The Year that Changed Everything
by Hallowauror7
Summary: James, hopelessly in love with Lily, spends over 6 years trying to win her over, and his 7th year might bring him luck.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

It was her last time taking the train to Hogwarts, and Lily was sad and heartbroken just thinking about it. This school was all she had ever known in the last 6 years, and this would be the final year. She was scared but also excited. This meant that greater adventures and opportunities were to come.

She stepped on board the Hogwarts Express, took a deep breath, and walked down the corridor to find an empty compartment. They were all abnormally full, and it wasn't until the very end that she came across an almost empty compartment, except for one student.

Lily had already stepped inside before she realized who it was sitting there. James Potter smiled up at her and she immediately felt hatred. Out of all these compartments, of course he would be the one in the only one not too full for her to sit in.

"Uhm, the other ones are full, so... do you mind if I sit in here?" She managed to stammer, refusing to make eye contact with him. She still hated him after what happened two years previous. An incident that changed her life, that drove her into a depression. She wasn't about it forgive him for it yet.

"Of course you can sit here Evans, you should know better than to ask!" James exclaimed. He was still smiling at her, not breaking his stare from her eyes. It made her nervous. She had refused to talk to him for over a year now, and yet he still seemed to be so amazed by her and she didn't know why.

"Thanks." She whispered, as she sat down across from him, still looking down.

"How was your summer?" James asked, before she had a chance to even take a breath. She looked up at him, not sure if she should tell him she didn't want to talk to him, or if she should just answer him. After the realization that if she chose not to let him talk to her, it would be an incredibly awkward trip.

"All I will say is I'm happy to be on my way back to school." She wasn't about to lie, and she definitely did not have a good summer. James studied her face for a couple seconds as if trying to figure out if she just didn't want to talk, or if something had happened over the summer that she didn't want to talk about. But before he could respond, Remus, Peter and Sirius had found their compartment.

"Christ James, why did you choose the furthest compartment there is?" Sirius said, but then he noticed Lily sitting there, smiled, and winked at James.

"I can let you guys have this compartment if you'd like. I'm sure you all have things you want to catch up on." Lily said as she started to stand. She did not like the sound of being stuck in there with not only James Potter, but his annoying group of friends. Even if Remus was her friend, it would still make her feel uncomfortable. But before she could make it to the door, Sirius stopped her.

"Actually, we have our own compartment, you know, not realizing James was way down here, so we will just be leaving you two now to go back to our seats!"

It was as obvious as day that he was making it up just so he could give his best friend alone time with her. Lily only agreed because she had no idea where else she would go to sit.

Almost an hour went by before either of them spoke again. Lily was trying to look busy reading a book, and James didn't know what to say that could be important enough to disturb her. She could barely concentrate on the book, so she finally put it down and glanced up at James. He was messing up his hair, while picking away at a box of Burty Bots every flavour beans. She looked out of the window, staring into the green water of a lake they were passing, watching the geese fly around excitedly and nervously from the loud train.

"Done your book?" She heard a voice say to her, making her zone back in. She looked over at James who was once again looking her straight in the eyes.

"I got tired of reading." She said as she shrugged and looked away.

"So, why is it you'd rather be back at school then on summer break still? Did something happen?" She had forgotten their earlier conversation and was reminded of how much she didn't want to even think about her summer.

"I don't really want to talk about it." Lily said without even looking up.

"You're going to need someone to talk to this year Evans, your best friend graduated last year. Give me a chance for once." He was still staring at her, but this time with a look of longing to be accepted by her. He looked at her with his pleading eyes and Lily couldn't look back at him. He was being more kind then she had ever seen him. He was acting like he sincerely just wanted to be there for her, instead of saying mean, hurtful things he thought was funny just to try to make her laugh. Could she believe him and his sincerety?

"Evans, please trust me. You can talk to me... About anything." He smiled slightly not breaking his eye contact. Maybe she should give him a chance, she thought. He seemed different, less like a jerk, and more like an actual friend for once.

"It was my sister..." She started but trailed off, scared of talking about what was bothering her.

"Is she still being resentful?" He remembered. In first year, Lily had brought up to him about how her sister was jealous and hateful towards Lily because she received a letter, and her sister did not. He remembered something she told him 6 years ago without even pausing to think about it.

"Yes, I didn't think you would have remembered."

"I remember every word you've ever said to me." He smiled again, and nodded for her to go on with her story.

"She had never been as mean and evil as she was this summer. She spread rumours to all my old friends saying that I ran off with a circus, that I was a freak of nature and completely mental. She told me she was ashamed of having me for a sister, and wishes I was dead so she could just forget about me. She..." Lily couldn't go any further or she would start crying. And she did not want to start crying to front of James.

James leaned forward and put a hand on Lily's knee.

"Are you okay? That's awful! You deserve better than to have someone like that in your life." He looked almost as hurt as she felt. He looked like someone just threatened his own family, the look of utter disgust and hatred that filled his face.

"I'm fine though, after this year, I am moving far, far away and I am going to start a new life for myself that doesn't include her." She mumbled trying not to look as upset as she really felt.

"But she is my sister, my family. We were inseparable our whole lives until I got that letter." She said shaking her head and looking down.

"All you can do is surround yourself with people who do care about you and all your quirks. If she really cares about you, she'll come around but don't wait for her to. You'll drive yourself into an unforgettable sadness. Surround yourself with what makes you happy and forget everything else."

"I didn't know you knew how to give advise, Potter." Lily said, trying to smile. They both laughed at this remark, and things started feeling a bit more comfortable.

After a couple hours of small talk, about favourite classes, what they were going to do after school, all awkwardness had left and Lily was actually starting to enjoy James' company.

"So... Since you and... uhm.. and sniv... I mean severus live near eachother, did you ever accidently come across him this summer?" Why did he have to bring up one of the most touchiest topic they could possibly talk about.

"No, I did not. Why?" Lily asked with a stern, confused look.

"I just wanted to make sure that he didn't contribute to you having a bad summer. You know, after everything that went on between you two." He actually had the nerve to bring this up.

"After what went on between us? Nothing would have happened if you had just left him alone all those years, instead of pushing him over the edge!" Lily wasn't very good at hiding her anger. But he had no right to bring that up.

"Lily! I apologized for what I did numerous amounts of times! I wasn't the one who called you a...a... well you know what he called you..." He took a deep inhale and continued, "You knew as well as I did what kind of person Slytherin was making him become. He was going to call you that and turn on you sooner than later anyway. That is not a true friend, if you ask me."

"Well I'm not asking you, am I? I am not saying that what he did wasn't wrong but what you have been doing to him, in fact what you have been doing to several other students, since year one is just as unforgivable. All you want is attention! You will do anything, no matter how rude and awful, just to get it!" She was furious now. She knew the good wouldn't last long with him, it never did.

"Well if that's how you feel!" He looked just as angry and hurt as Lily did but she couldn't take any more of the fighting, and got up and left.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Well great, I messed up again, thought James. He thought it was going so well, she was actually talking to him and he messed it all up because he didn't think before opening his mouth.

He was too upset to go and tell Sirius and the others that they could come sit with him now, he just wanted to sit there, alone, and pity himself. This was his last year. He has been trying to win Lily Evans over since the day he met her. He could still remember it so well. It was his first day, year one, and he was so nervous and excited.

When he found a compartment to sit in, he saw Lily, sitting there by herself. When he walked in, she looked up at him and smiled, a beautifully large, bright smile. Suddenly he felt like he couldn't breath, he started getting butterflies in his stomach, he couldn't talk. He knew the second he made eye contact with her, that she was the girl he would one day marry.

Now he just needed to convince her of that, before school was over for the last time.

The first couple months weren't on his side though. Lily still hadn't talked to him since that day on the train. Every once in a while, James thought he could see her staring and smiling in his direction but every time he turned to look at her, it would turn into a glare and then she would look down. It was killing him. All he could ever think about, was always her. He would dream about her, think of her instead of paying attention in class, have her in the back of his mind during quidditch games.

He even tried cleaning himself up, and she didn't seem to notice. It took him all summer and the last few months of the previous school year to start smartening up. He tried to prank less, and learn more. He was trying to be more polite, less of a jerk. For her. He even liked the way he was changing, but Sirius couldn't stand it.

"You're not you anymore! Where did my best friend go? You wont hex anyone with me anymore, you don't joke around as much, and you made house boy! I don't even get to hang out with you late at night now because you have your own dorm!"

It was true, with his change of attitude, Dumbledore and the rest of the teachers noticed enough to think he deserved to be made house boy for Gryffindor. The only reason he accepted though, was because Lily made house Girl, which meant they got to share the dorm. They each had their own bedroom, and one common room just to themselves. But she always stayed in her bedroom.

One day after his last class, James couldn't take it anymore. He had to try talking to her.

"Hey, Sirius, I think I might go to the library for a bit. Really want to do well on Professor McGonagall's test."

Sirius stopped, looked at James for a few seconds, before finally reading behind the lines. "Right, well then you better go study!" He said with a wink.

James got to the library and felt relieved to see that Lily was in there. She was sitting on a couch in the far corner, reading a Care of Magical Creatures book. It was one of her favourite classes, she loved learning about misunderstood animals, simply because she loved caring for things.

"Evans?" James said, as he reached the couch.

Lily looked up from her book, saw that it was him and looked back down.

"I'm busy."

"I see that. I just wanted to apologize. For how I was on the train. I had no right to say what I said." He said, secretly pleading that she would respond.

"You're only a couple months too late for that, Potter. But... Thanks I guess." She was looking up at him, not as cross looking as usual, but very questionably.

"May I sit down?" James asked looking at the spot next to her on the couch.

He sat down before she could answer, not wanting to hear her say no. He watched her read more of her book. He loved the look of concentration on her face. The single wrinkle it created in the middle of her forehead, the ecstatic look in her eyes.

But she noticed him watching and looked over at him.

"Did you need something?" She was starting to wonder why he was there. He didn't know what to say. His only reason was just to simply see her.

"Uhm, no. I just..." He stammered, lost for words. He couldn't even think of an excuse.

"I see. Well I do have a lot of studying to do, so if you don't mind I do like my space when I'm trying to concentrate."

He didn't want to leave. He could sit there all day watching her.

"The Hogsmead trip is next month. Go with me. Please." He was startled at his own voice, he already knew her answer and almost regretting asking right away.

"I don't think that's a good idea." She looked at him, unsure of what else to say. She was giving him a look, that he was unfamiliar with. Almost like she was sad to say no.

"Why? One of these days, you'll have to give me a chance!"

That look quickly went away, and was replaced with a half smile, half look of anger.

"Oh, I don't think I have to do any such thing. You just won't give up will you? You are so relentless." She said, "And I think you should go now, I really need to study." She looked back down at that, and turned slightly away from him.

A little hurt, James stood up, looked at her again, not getting a look back, and walked out.

The next day in Potions, James was still a little upset over what had happened in the library. He saw her sitting only two tables away, her hair done up in a messy bun, bits of hair falling all over. She always looked exceptionally beautiful the days she tried the least. That was one of the things he loved most about her. She was unique, different, more carefree than most girls. Not caring one bit what guys thought about her.

Being distracted by his thoughts, James wasn't paying attention to what all he was pouring in to his cauldron, and the next minute, a loud BANG came from inside it. It had exploded green dust, completely covering Lily head to toe, who was inconveniently walking past his table at that exact moment.

She froze, slowly twisting her head towards him with the most sour look. She walked over, grabbed the full cauldron next to his, and dumped it all over him. He was lucky that she had picked up Peter Pettigrews cauldron, so it was hardly even a potion. Just sticky, hot liquids all over him.

"Evans! Potter! Detention both of you!" Prof Slugghorn said, walking over to investigate what happened. James overheard him turn to Lily and say, "I'm sorry, no matter how well deserved, dumping a potion over another student is not allowed." He patted her on the shoulder and walked back over to his desk.

"You will both be polishing the trophies tonight."

The only thing James could think of at that moment was, two full hours alone with Lily.


	3. Chapter 3

Lily was dreading her detention. She was staring outside the window, as she finished scrubbing off the green dust that covered every inch of her. She could see James out there in the grass, reading. She couldn't recall a time she had ever seen him choose a book over his friends. It was an odd sight to add to the odd feeling of knowing she had to spend two whole hours that night alone with James in the trophy room.

At 11 pm, she headed down to the front corridor to meet with Filch who would take them to the trophy room. She had beat James down there, no surprise and was stuck standing in awkward silence with the schools most awkward employee.

After a few minutes, footsteps could be heard running towards them, and James flew around the corner and almost couldn't stop himself as he reached them.

"I'm sorry I'm late! I got caught up in my book!" James said, short breathed and panting. Filch gave him a smirk and shook his head, not believing him and started walking.

He opened the trophy room door and said, "You have two hours, the brushes are over there. I will be locking this door and everything better be polished when I am back in two hours." He gave them suspicious looks and walked out, locking the door behind him.

"So... Where do you want to start?" James asked, half smiling, and half smirking at the fact that they were stuck in detention together.

Lily was looking around the room, unsure of where to start. It looked like it would never end, the trophies were all over the place, not even in any significant order. She sighed, not sure how to answer the question. She was tired, and angry that she was thrown into this mess, and really just wanted to sit down and mellow in her thoughts. But that couldn't happen.

"Wherever you want to."

James walked over to a random corner, with his tiny little brush, and just started scrubbing away at one. Lily walked over and picked up the trophy that was beside it and started brushing it as well. Eventually they got into a rhythm and it started going by fast. After half an hour they were already 3/4 of the way done.

Lily couldn't help but notice how practised James looked doing this. It was as if he had been cleaning trophies his whole life. He was in detention so much, it came to no surprise. Though, Lily did recall that it was the first time that year, that he had gotten detention, which in itself was an oddity.

"Maybe we should really start taking our time, seeing as we are stuck in here for another hour and a half. Even if we finish early." Lily mentioned, realizing that they were almost done.

"Or, we could hurry up and finish. Then we can just sit back and look at the stars out the window." James suggested, not looking up, but still smiling. Lily couldn't help but smile too. All she wanted to do was sit down. To sit and think. She didn't even mind the idea of "bonding" with James. She wanted to know what was up with his personality change. Why he seemed like a different guy that year. Kind, thoughtful, smarter... yet still had his humour.

"Yeah, okay." She said, smiling back at him for the first time in almost 5 years.

So they kept working hard, and finished within the next 15 minutes. After tidying up the cleaning supplies, and their brushes, they sat down in front of the wide window that looked over the lake. The stars were remarkably bright out that night. The lake perfectly still. It was a beautiful night, in fact a rarely beautiful night for the fall.

Lily could see James turn his head towards her, out of the corner of her eye but suddenly felt too nervous to look back. She didn't understand why, in the 6 years she had known him, she had never felt nervous around him. But she had butterflies in her stomach, and her heart beat quickened.

"I'm sorry I got you in detention Lily. I really didn't mean for my potion to explode." James said quietly. An apology? Lily had never heard him sincerely apologize for anything he did. She looked over at him, surprised but happy about what she had heard.

"Thank you, but it's okay. An accident is an accident." She smiled at him, but then quickly turned away, scared of the feelings she was feeling inside her. He was being so sweet, and she was starting to feel comfortable with him. But, with her luck, if she started letting herself get closer to him, he would turn back to his old self, and she would get hurt.

James must have noticed the change of mood on her face because he touched her shoulder, pulling her to look at him.

"Whats wrong? You've looked sad for a few weeks now, whats bugging you?"

He noticed that she had been consumed by her thoughts lately. He wasn't the only one that was on her mind and making her feel scared. She didn't realize that anyone had noticed, and immediately felt even more embarrassed. Everything. Everything feels wrong, she wanted to tell him.

"Nothing..." She said, still trying to avoid eye contact, terrified he would read right through her. But apparently, she didn't need to be looking at him for him to do so.

"Lily, I still mean what I said on the train. You can talk to me. Is it still your sister that's on your mind?"

He was relentless, but she gave in. She wanted to get it off her chest.

"Yes, sort of.. I feel like I don't belong, at home, or here. I feel like a stranger when I'm home. My sister got engaged. But he doesn't know she has a sister," she paused to look up at James, to see that he was staring very intently, listening to every word she said. "She's getting married. My sister, who was my best friend, my everything, is getting married and she won't even let me go. She wants nothing to do with me and wants to move on and forget I exist."

Lily stopped talking again, to take a couple deep breaths so that she wouldn't start crying.

"And then I come here, and realize I still don't belong. The only friend I had is done school and gone. I am invisible. Just that girl who's too smart for her own good, annoyingly quiet, and weird. "She didn't look up, she was too scared to. Lily almost immediately regretting telling James how she felt. He probably thought that she was being a cry baby about everything and that he would see how weak she was.

But instead he stayed quiet. He put his had on hers, and almost instantly, she burst into tears.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I must sound pathetic..." She said. Taking her hand and trying to wipe away the tears, James grabbed it again, taking it away from her tears and held it in his lap.

"You don't sound pathetic. It sounds like there's a lot going on in your life that is making everything else also look bad. You may not belong at home anymore, which is more your sisters loss than yours. But you do belong here. There are always going to be people who will find something wrong with you, for no real reason, but there are also always going to be those people who would do anything for you." With his other hand, he wiped away a silently falling tear rolling down Lily's cheek.

"You are brilliant, uncommonly kind, have a way of seeing the good in someone, when others can't, and you are unmistakably beautiful beyond words. If others are too stuck up in their own little worlds to see that, then screw them. But I can't stand seeing such an amazing girl doubt her worth."

Lily felt something that moment, that she couldn't explain. She couldn't take her eyes off of James, who was also looking at her. They sat like this for minutes without saying more. She felt comfort in what he said to her, in the warmth of his hand around hers. She told him everything except about how she was afraid of getting closer to him. But her fears about him seemed to disappear.

After a few minutes of trying to get the words to thank him, she smiled a small but full smile. "Thank you. I didn't think there would ever come a time that your words would be so comforting and calming."

"Any time." He smiled, much bigger than hers. His eyes reflecting the stars, were fixed on her. She suddenly felt like she could just sit there and look into those wondrous and curious eyes all night. But instead, Filtch opened the doors, startling both Lily and James.

It was 1:00 am and their detention was over. They quietly walked back to the common room together and said their good nights.

"Sweet dreams Lily." James called after her as she climbed the stairs to her bed. At the top of the stairs, she looked down to see if he was still there. She saw him sit down in a chair, smiling the brightest smile she ever saw. She opened her door and climbed into her bed, smiling herself, the butterflies returning to her stomach.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

James sat down in the chair nearest the window. He just sat there and smiled. He had the most amazing night and he was too excited to sleep. He just kept replaying the last two hours in his head, how Lily opened up to him, how she smiled at him. How she seemed nervous to look at him as if she liked him. It almost made _him_ nervous.

He stayed up so late thinking about it all, that he ended up falling asleep in the chair.

"James? James, wake up, we have class soon." Lily's voice echoed in his head. It took a few shakes to wake up. How surprised and delighted he was to have Lily's face be the first thing he saw.

"Sorry, I guess I fell asleep down here." He said as he stood up and stretched. He noticed Lily looked a little nervous around him again. He almost thought that maybe she felt uncomfortable after last night. He hoped not. She walked over to her desk and started getting her school books together.

"Hey, thanks for opening up to me last night. It meant a lot." James said, walking up behind her, wanting to grab her waist and pull her into a hug. But instead just went up beside her.

"Thank you for listening. It feels good to get it off my chest." She smiled lightly towards him. They stood there for several seconds, which felt more like minutes, just looking into each others eyes. Until a knock came at the door.

James sighed, and walked over to the door to open it. Sirius and Peter were on the other side.

"Hey usually your already down in the main hall for breakfast by now. You coming?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah, uhm.. I will meet you down there soon, okay?" After a confused nod from his friend, he closed the door.

Walking back to where Lily was standing, he noticed she was tensely looking down at the ground as if she was fighting a million thoughts. James immediately thought that maybe he had done something to upset her or if she was mad at him about something.

Trying to lighten the mood he decided to invite her to breakfast with him.

"Thank you, but I'm not terribly hungry. I think I am just going to head straight to the class room." She said, looking at him anxiously.

So much for that. So instead, James waited to go down to eat breakfast until he knew that his friends wouldn't be there anymore, so he could be alone. He sat there, barely touching his toast or eggs. He was trying to think of all the reasons Lily could be so uncomfortable and scared with being his friend.

He tried to recall every thing he ever did to her, but his thoughts immediately went to 5th year.

He was so furious that Lily wouldn't give him the time of day, and that she was constantly over looking Severus's dark side, that he decided to really take it out on severus.

He found him sitting under a tree by himself and he hexed him so bad that he was hanging in the air upside down. Lily was enraged when she saw this and came running over, screaming at James and Sirius, who was helping him.

"Stop it! You're hurting him! Why are you such a jerk, Potter?"

"Go out with me and I'll stop!" James yelled back. He should have known better than to try that with her.

"I would never go out with scum like you!"

"Fine then..." With that, James flew Severus higher and then Sirius took James's hint and hexed Severus's pants off. So there Severus was, 20 ft in the air with his pants at his ankles and his bright green boxers shown to the whole school. Every student in the area burst into laughter all at the same time.

"James Potter, if you don't put him down right now I will get you expelled!" Screamed Lily. Looking over at Lily, James could see that she was very, sincerely hurt, so he decided enough was enough. He dropped Severus from the 20 feet he was at, letting him just fall to the ground.

"Lucky for you, your little friend just saved you." James said, Sirius laughing behind him.

Severus stood up, spat on the ground, looked over at James and then to Lily who was walking over to him. "I don't need help from anyone! Especially a mudblood!"

Lily stopped as if she hit a brick wall, with a blank look on her face. She took a deep breath, exhaled and said, "Fine. I don't need a friend like you anyway." And started walking... well almost running away, towards the castle. But James already saw the tears streaming down her face before she was out of sight. He wanted to make sure she was okay, so he ran up to her.

"Lily! Are you okay? I promise I will make him pay for that one!" But she spun around looking more offended than ever.

"Don't you dare do anything. It is time you stay out of other peoples business! You are no better than him! You hurt people with no reason, you make fun of and damage other peoples feelings with out any thought of anything other than yourself! You are just as cruel as any Slytherin!"

"Lily! That's not fair! I would never call you that, ever!"

"It doesn't matter. None of this would have happened if you hadn't bullied him for years and pushed him to this point! Don't ever talk to me again!" And then she started running towards the doors, this time not hiding her tears.

James felt so guilty over what he had done, that he did what she asked, and didn't talk to her for the rest of that year. He was told by several of their mutual friends how sad and depressed she had gotten since the incident. He really saw himself as the selfish, cruel person that she saw. That's when he knew he had to change his act. Smarten up.

It took him over a year to do it, but he accomplished becoming a better person. And she was starting to notice, slowly but still noticing.

He had tortured hers and Severus's friendship since the moment he met her, and after the big incident, it was no wonder that she had a hard time trusting him. He hated himself for it. All he wanted was her but all he did was push her away.

After managing a few bites of his toast, James headed to his class. He saw Lily sitting at her table, reading her book. He wanted to go over there and apologize for everything a thousand times but thought better of it. He decided he would give her space that day and wait for her to talk to him. He didn't want to make her more uncomfortable that she probably already felt. Instead he would just wait until she really needed a friend again.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Lily had a hard time focusing on her classes that day. She kept looking over at James, feeling scared, and nervous, and just all around confused. She had never felt the way she felt the other night, around him before but she was terrified of him, of his old self, of getting closer to him.

She decided she would avoid him until she could make up her mind. She didn't want to lead him on or hurt him, and she didn't know how else to handle how she felt. So she kept to herself. She stayed extra late in the library in the evenings and wouldn't leave her room if she was in their common room. She stayed this way for another good month, until Christmas was approaching.

Lily decided she couldn't handle going home for the holidays, so she was, instead, going to spend the holidays at the school. Something that hardly any students did. She honestly couldn't wait for the quiet, calmness of the school.

Everyone was starting to pack up, getting ready for the departure back home, including James. But he and his friends noticed that she was not joining in the packing.

"Are you not going home?" Remus asked, the evening before they would all leave.

"No. Not this year." Lily said, with a cold, sad gleam in her eyes.

"How come?" James asked before Remus could respond. He looked worried and it made Lily feel small.

"I just don't want to." She said looking away, scared to look into his troubled eyes.

The next morning Lily woke just in time to see James hauling his bag out of his bedroom. He stopped to smile at her, say good morning, and then continued to take his bag out to the main common room.

"You going to be okay by yourself?" James asked after putting his bag down. He still had his worried look. She didn't like feeling weak and pathetic so she put on her bravest face.

"Of course Potter. I'm a big girl. It's just some dumb holiday, I'm not missing out on anything anyway." She said as straight faced as possible so he couldn't see her emotions through her words.

He accepted her response, wished her a good Christmas and left.

She felt alone.

No, she thought. I'm not allowed to feel alone, I wanted this!

When Christmas came, Lily looked at her few presents waiting for her in the common room. There was one from her mum, one from Remus, and one from her sister. She opened the one from her mum, and it was a beautiful leather notebook for her to write in it. Then she opened the gift from Remus. It was a copy of The Tales of Beetle the Bard, a book of short stories for children. He always told her about the book, and how no person should go through their whole life without the pleasure of reading it. It made Lily smile.

Then she just stared at her sisters present. Lily had a bad feeling about it and was too scared to open it. She put it on her desk, beside the couch and left the room. It sat there, untouched for the rest of the holidays and was still sitting there when James got back.

"Have a good Christmas, Evans?" James asked as he tugged his bag through the doorway.

"It was fine. How was yours?" Lily asked, trying to get the topic off of her. James put his bag down and looked up, surprised she had asked him.

"It was good, thanks..." he trailed off as he looked around and noticed the present sitting on her desk.

"You missed one, Evans!" He walked over and picked it up. But as he looked down and saw that it was from Petunia, Lily's sister, he frowned.

"I know..."

"Aren't you going to open it? Maybe it's an apology or that she misses you." He looked up at her but she couldn't look back at him. She didn't want him to see the fear in her eyes at the idea of what could be inside the present.

James clearly noticed because he sat down beside her on the couch.

"I'm right here, if it ends up being something that upsets you. Whether it makes you cry, laugh, or simply need a hug, I'm right here." He handed her the present and reluctantly, Lily took it.

She slowly opened one end of the wrapping and a little beaded bracelet fell out. Lily's heart immediately felt like it got stomped on.

"That's pretty, did she make it for you?" James asked but then noticed the look on Lily's face. She shoved the bracelet to the side, as if she was scared to touch it, and pulled out the letter that came with it.

 _Lily,_

 _I am giving back the bracelet you once made for me when we were kids. I can't look at it any longer because it reminds me of how you abandoned me 6 years ago. Of how you left me behind like I was nothing. I hope you like your monstrosity of a school and your freaky friends_ _because their your family now. I officially declare that you are not my sister anymore. I hate you and your life. You just couldn't be any happier to find out your were so different from me, when I thought you were better than that. I am about to move on and have my own life and I suggest you do the same thing. No point in pretending we are family anymore._

And it just ended. No signature, no nothing. It struck Lily hard, and her hand was shaking almost too much to put the letter down. She was too shocked to even cry.

"Lily?" James said, worried. She couldn't speak, she just handed him the letter to read for himself. She stood up, grabbed the bracelet and started walking towards the door.

"Lily, where are you going?" Jame asked, standing up, still holding onto the letter.

"There's something I need to do. Are you coming?" She asked, looking up at him, and seeing him for what felt like the first time. His shaggy hair, nearly covering his glasses, the look of betrayal and sadness behind those glasses. The softness of his features, the kindest lips, the most gentle face. How had she not noticed him mature so much? He wasn't the little brat he used to be, but a man who feels and is there for the people who matter to him.

He threw down the letter and started following her down the hallway.

"Where are we going, you know its after dark and we aren't supposed to be out of bed."

"You'll see. I need to do this tonight while I still have it in me to do it." She kept walking and headed out the side door leading outside. This door only leads to Hagrids Hut, so it is always left unlocked.

She walked straight past the hut, and right towards the lake. When they got to the dock, she just stood there for a minute, looking at the fragile little bracelet in her hands. She glanced up at James, who nodded at her, and looked back down and ripped the bracelet in half.

"This is for you Petunia. For all the nasty things you've ever said about me. For doubting me instead of supporting me." And she chucked the bracelet pieces as hard as she could into the lake. She watched them sink, and then started to sink down to the dock herself. Once sitting on her bents legs, she started crying and laughing.

Confused, James sat down beside her and looked at her questionably.

"I have the worst throw in the whole world!" She managed to get out, which made her laugh even harder. James looked taken back at first, for Lily couldn't recall a time he had ever seen her laugh, but soon enough, he joined her. He laughed with her until her laughs turned into sobs and he, at once, put his arm around her for support.

After a few minutes of silence and tears, Lily calmed down a bit. She didn't know how she would have handled that night, if James wasn't there to comfort her.

"Thank you. Not just for coming down here with me in the middle of the night, but just for being there for me, especially when I don't deserve it." She said, looking him in the eyes. He smiled, his arm still around her tightening.

"You deserve to have someone looking out for you. And if you let me, I will always be that someone." He said. Lily could feel her heart beat faster, she could feel her cheeks turn hot. She would normally hate him for saying things like that, because he was always the last type of person she wanted in her life. But this time felt different. She didn't know what to think of it.

She was scared to confront these feelings, so she quickly changed the topic to calm her heart down.

"You know, I never thought that you could be so comforting. I regret never giving us the chance to be friends. Maybe we can change that?" James smiled again, touching her cheek with his other hand, and said, "I would love that."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

"What is with you tonight?" Sirius asked James, who hadn't been able to wipe the smile off his face all night.

The two of them were sitting in the Gryffindor common room, after everyone had gone to bed. James felt like it would be a good night to catch up with his best friend.

"I spent the evening with Lily... " He trailed off, distracted, remembering the whole evening in his head.

"What happened? I didn't think you two were really talking, still."

"She talked to me, told me things I don't think she's ever shared with anyone else. She trusted me. And then she said she wanted to be friends! We ended up talking for, what felt like, hours. It was the first time I've seen her laugh in years, or even smile at me." He said, his cheeks starting to turn red.

"That's great, I'm happy for you James. Just try not to do anything stupid to ruin it this time, eh." Sirius was joking but it still made James stop to think. He had never managed to befriend Lily and not end up doing something that would end up hurting her, in the six and a half years he had known her. He was terrified of it happening again.

Sirius noticed how his comment was taken the wrong way. "James, you're totally different this year! You're not the jerk you used to be, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Even she's noticed how much you've matured... Even if you aren't as fun now."

James smiled at his friend but was still worried.

The next day, however, there wasn't any time to think about personal things. As soon as James woke up, he noticed the sky looked strange, darker than usual. He walked up to his window, and what he saw made his heart sink, and fear filled his whole body. He saw the dark clouds creating what looked like a giant skull with a snake slithering out of it's mouth. It was the most terrifying image he had ever seen.

He must not have been the only one to see it because almost immediately, the entire school was called down to the dining hall. All the other students were quiet, scared, as they all took their seats. He caught a glimpse of Lily, who looked white as a ghost. She caught his eye and tried to force a smile before sitting down. Then Dumbledore stood up at the head of the tables.

"I am sure you all know why I asked you to come down here, and that you all seek the answer to the same question. That symbol, that mark that you saw up in the sky this morning, was a dark mark. Voldemort's mark. As I am sure many of you know, Voldemort and his death eaters, have been hunting down muggle borns. What you saw this morning, was the symbol of a killing. Something they intend to do every time they succeed in destroying those of muggle descent. While you will always see this mark, terrifyingly visible hovering over us, you are not in danger. Remember this, but always be aware."

Every witch and wizard knew about Voldemort and his want for power and to rid the world of "Mud bloods". But it wasn't until now that James realized what a threat he really was. How this was a start to a war that was inevitable.

Later, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were all hanging around outside. Silent, and still shaken over what had happened.

"Hey, do you guys remember how we joked about opening up a club? To teach people some of the more advanced spells we had taught ourselves?" Remus asked, out of the blue. The rest of the group nodded.

"Maybe we should do it. Help create an army to fight against... him, if it ever had to come down to it. James, you know how to do the patronus perfectly, Sirius you know a couple good hex spells to hurt enemies. Spells that even our teachers don't want us knowing. We should start a group, see who wants to join, who wants fight against the enemy. "

They all looked at each other, considering this over in their heads.

"Yes. I don't think we have a choice with the way things are heading. And I think other students would jump at this opportunity. I think if people knew it was possible, they would want to learn how to fight against the dark side." James said, straight and forward.

"Hmm, we could call it... The Order of the Phoenix. Because when they burn out, they come back stronger than ever. Something that is crucial to learn in this new world." Sirius said. And so they all agreed, and right away hung a sign up sheet in the Gryffindor common room.

After about a week, there were 9 names on the list, aside from James, and his friends, who were going to act as the teachers, one of which was Lily and they decided it was time for the first lesson.

"But where are we going to actually teach people these spells?" Peter asked. None of them had thought that far and none could think of a place.

"The room of requirement." The voice came from behind them, the voice of Lily Evans.

"Wheres that?" James asked her, turning around to look at her.

"It doesn't exist until you need it. I discovered it last year. I was trying to find a quiet place to read, since the library and all the classrooms were full. And the door showed up out of nowhere on this blank wall, and inside I found a small study. I think it will turn into anything depending on the wizards need."

"That's brilliant!" James exclaimed. "Let's go find it!"

So James and Lily went up to the floor that she had found it on.

"So we both need to think of how we need a place to learn how to defend ourselves from the dark side, very clearly." Lily said, as they were approaching the bare wall.

After a couple seconds, this large, wooden door, started fading into reality right before their eyes, and when they opened the door, James's mouth dropped open.

The room was large, with chalkboards, and dummies that looked like death eaters.

"This is perfect! I seriously don't know what I would do without you, Lily." He said, looking down at her. She blushed a little and looked down.

"So when do the lessons start?" She asked after a moment.

"Immediately."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

After weeks of secret meetings and lessons in the room of requirement, or currently known as the Order of the Phoenix headquarters, Lily and the other 8 students were being taught all sorts of different hexes and curses that could be used against death eaters.

She was doing well, she thought. James was helping her more than the others but she didn't mind. Remus was a great teacher, along with Sirius giving examples of all the spells on the dummies, while James gave her special pointers and tips.

She was really proud of how much she was learning. That was, until, the latest lesson happened. James was teaching them about the patronus, possibly the hardest spell they would ever learn.

"In order to succeed at the patronus charm, you have to begin with a happy memory. Not just any happy memory, but one that means so much to you, that the quality of the memory can bring you out of any sadness or fear. It has to be a powerful memory, that is crucial. After that, the spell is easy. Let me show you."

"Expecto Patronum" He barely whispered, and the bright white light emerged from his wand, creating the image of a stag. It was beautiful, Lily thought. She could see how it would repel the darkness.

And so, like the other students, Lily practised and practised their whole lesson but it just wouldn't work for her. She tried to find that perfect happy memory. The time she and her sister made a pact to always look out for one another. The last time her father ever took her to the zoo. When she first got her Hogwarts letter. But none of them were good enough.

After the lesson was over and everyone was leaving, Lily stayed. She just stood still, wanting to cry at her failure. She backed up against the wall, and slid down it until she was sitting on the floor.

"Lily?" James asked, noticing she was still there as he was about to leave. He walked over and sat down next to her.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't understand why I couldn't do it. I have never failed at a spell before." She said, looking down at her knees, sniffling.

"You didn't fail. To fail means you didn't try. You have no idea how many tries it took me to get it to work. How about this, if you go get some dinner with me, and relax tonight, I will help you with the spell tomorrow after classes. I will stay up all night with you, if I have to, until you can do it, because I know you will get it."

Lily agreed, and headed down to the dining hall with James. After dinner, James asked her to read him her favourite book. He must have been trying to distract her from thinking about the lesson, because the last time she was reading that book, he was making fun of it. But she read it to him anyway, until they both fell asleep.

The next day, after lessons, Lily waited in the corridor outside of the room of requirement where they agreed to meet. She was beginning to worry that she would fail again and that James would see she's not the smart witch he thought she was.

"So, take a minute to think over what happy memory your going to use." James said, once they were inside and ready to begin.

"I've tried... But I can't think of any other memory." She said, sulking, sitting down on the step by the door.

"You can't give up, yet. Just try thinking. It doesn't matter how small the memory is, just as long as the thought of it, is enough to make you feel warm inside, to make you feel giddy, makes you forget everything else for a split second."

So she tried. She thought of the first time she used a spell, and the excitement that filled her. "Expecto Patronum"... nothing.

"Try again!" James said, nodding in support.

The first time she met Severus, how excited she was to know she was sane and normal, and not alone. "Expecto Patronum!" But again nothing happened.

"I can't do it, James. I can't."

James stood in front of her, took both of her hands in his, and looked her in the eye.

"I believe in you. Lily. You can do this. Don't even think about it, that is how it will come to you."

The feeling of her hands in his, made her heart skip a beat. She got goosebumps from the touch and as she looked up at him, it came flooding to her. The memory of the first time James Potter told Lily he loved her.

It was the end of 3rd year, they were getting ready to head up to the train, when Lily found herself alone with James for a second. He apologized, for the millionth time over something he had done. But he grabbed her hands, just as he had a moment ago, and confessed his love for her.

"Lily, I have been in love with you since the day I met you on the train. Not a day goes by that I don't feel it. I know I am a jerk, and don't deserve someone as amazing as you, but I have never felt like this, nor do I think I will ever feel like this about anyone."

Lily had gotten the same goose bump feeling, and went home that summer, unable to think of anything except about James. Of course, when 4th year had started, the first thing James did was threaten Severus, which made her forget about her feelings out of anger.

"I think I have my memory." Lily said after a few moments. Taking her hands out of James's, she grabbed her wand.

"Expecto Patronum!" And a huge flash of white shot out and formed the image of a doe. Both Lily and James just stared at it for several seconds. She couldn't believe that she had finally done it, but it almost frightened her, what memory it took to do it. What did it mean?

"That's a doe..." James said, amazed.

"Yes... so?" Lily asked quickly and quietly.

"Your patronus is a doe and mine is a stag. Curious don't you think? What was the memory you chose?" James asked, looking from where the doe stood, to her.

Lily was scared to answer. She didn't want James to know the memory was about him. She didn't want to change the friendship they had now.

"A memory for only my mind, Potter. We better go get dinner." She turned around and went for the door before he replied.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

"Her patronus was a doe! That has to mean something right? I mean aren't they some what connected to what the memory is associated with it?" James, exhaustingly exclaimed to his friend Remus.

"Did she say what her memory was?" But James just shook his head and looked away.

"You think it was about you, don't you?" Remus read his mind. He wished it was about him and was so scared to say it out loud and find out he's wrong.

"Kind of... It would make sense though, wouldn't it? "James asked, "If it was about me, wouldn't a doe, which is the same animal as a stag, be the most likely?

"Well, yes but that doesn't mean that's the only reason it could be a doe. Maybe I can try to talk to her."

"That would be awesome Remus! I would owe you my life!"

"Well I don't think that would be necessary but I will see what I can do. I probably won't be studying with her again until maybe next week, I will ask then."

That seemed like such a long time to wait, but James agreed. He just hoped that it didn't make Lily feel uncomfortable enough to avoid him again.

He headed up to his common room and found her sitting on the couch reading. He smiled, because he knew it was a good sign. If she didn't want to see him, she would have stayed in her bedroom.

"Hi..." James stammered. He suddenly felt nervous and couldn't get any other words out.

"Hi." Lily said with a small, sweet smile. But he just stood there looking at her, still unable to get any words. He felt like an idiot.

"Are you alright?" Lily asked, when she noticed his awkwardness.

"Yeah! Are you?" James asked so quickly and enthusiastic that it almost scared himself. Why was he being like that, he thought. Why was it, that just standing there looking at her, thinking about her doe, he felt like he couldn't breath?

"Yes... I'm alright" She looked confused, "What are you up to?"

"I don't really know to be honest." He said, immediately regretting admitting that. What an idiot.

"Well, I'm starting to feel too cooped up, so I think I'm going to get fresh air and go for a walk. Would you like to join?" She was smiling again and it made his heart melt. Why was it he was so in love with her, and she couldn't see it?

"I would love to. Quidditch practice is in half an hour, maybe we can slowly make our way in that direction and then you can watch us practice?" He knew it was a fat chance she would want to watch a boring practice but he tried anyway.

"Sure." She exclaimed as she stood up and reached for her sweater.

And so they walked. James could tell Lily was cold, as he noticed the breeze blow through her long, thick, red hair and tangle it. She shivered every time but didn't let it tear off the smile she wore.

After a few minutes of walking, he realized that he had been staring at her the whole time, and quickly turned his head straight and hoped she didn't notice. She looked happy, carefree, so kind. His heart was pounding and his mind clouded thinking about her that when she spoke, it almost startled him.

"Are you scared?"

"Scared? Of what?" James looked up at her and saw that, even though her face was bright and happy, that her eyes had fear in them. He stopped walking and faced her. "What are you scared about?"

"You know... Voldemort. And Death Eaters... All the killings." She said quietly, the light fading from her cheeks.

"A little, I guess. But I try not to think about it. Fear will draw the negative things towards us, right? We just have to take it day by day and not worry about it until we need to." He said, trying to sound as brave as he could. But in reality he was terrified. They were sheltered at the school, protected. But they only had a few more months left of that protection before they were on their own.

"Yeah. You're right." Lily said, as she wrapped her arms around each other, trying to keep warm.

"Maybe instead of a walk, we should go to the kitchens for a hot drink?"

Lily smiled again, and together they walked back to the school.

"Hey Lily?" James asked, as they were sitting back in the common room, with hot chocolates in hand.

"Yes, James?"'

"Somethings been bothering me for a while now, do you mind if I ask you something?"

"yeah, what is it?" Lily said, putting her drink down to face James and listen.

"Well, when you were telling me about all the memories that didn't work when you were practising the patronus, you mentioned one about the last time your father took you to the zoo... Well, what did you mean by the _last_ time, exactly? If you don't mind me asking." He saw her look down for a second and then look back up at him, as if unsure how to answer.

"He's... Well, he's dead."

James didn't know what to say. He felt horrible for asking and bringing it up. He didn't know how to respond or if he should change the subject. But Lily noticed his concern.

"It happened when I was in 3rd year. He died from Cancer. It's okay though, I sort of got to say goodbye and he's no longer in pain." She said, as if trying to make him feel better about asking about it.

"What do you mean by 'sort of'?" James asked, watching her carefully, making sure he wouldn't say anything to upset her.

"I saw him during Christmas, when we knew he was on his deathbed. We got to talk, to spend time together, to say goodbye. He didn't die though, until 3 weeks after school started again, so I wasn't actually there to say goodbye."

"I'm sorry to hear about that, Lily. That must have been really hard." James looked down, thinking about all the times he bullied her in 3rd year, when she kept refusing to go out with him. He felt completely awful about it.

"I guess I didn't make that year any easier for you..." He said, unable to look at her.

"It was a distraction, not that it didn't make me any less angry." She said, "But that was years ago and doesn't matter anymore. You aren't pranking me anymore!" She smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

James smiled back, and laughed a little. Her eyes were starry and bright and her smile made him lose his breath. He was falling even deeper in love with her.

"Oh, aren't you supposed to be at quidditch practice in a few minutes?" Lily suddenly exclaimed. He was so distracted from Lily that he had completely forgot.

"Something more important came up, actually." Lily gave him a confused look but he just smiled, "I have got to take an amazing girl for a ride around the lake, which is a stunning view at this time of day, as a my way of making up for all the pranks I ever pulled." He winked, gabbed her hand and headed to the doorway, grabbing his broom along the way.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Lily couldn't believe how beautiful the lake looked from up high in the sky. It was one of her favourite experiences, even if she was terrified of heights and clutched onto James as hard as she could. It was well worth it.

Each day from then, she felt more calm and peaceful. She lifted a huge weight off her shoulder, finally telling someone about her father, having someone to really talk to about things. She's had friends in the past, but not once did she ever feel comfortable enough to share half things she was comfortable enough to share with James. It was a feeling that started coming so naturally around him.

A few days later though, she was forced to confront her feelings. Remus and her, were studying outside, they were reading their potions books and brainstorming for their papers. Lily was so focused on what she was reading that she almost didn't hear Remus's question.

"So, I heard your patronus was a doe. Weird, huh?" She knew instantly that James had told him.

"how is that weird? So, its a doe..." She said, trying to hide the shaking in her voice. Why did he care?

"Just, it's interesting that yours and Jame's patronuses are so similar. I mean, your memory wasn't about him, was it?" Should she tell him? Lily knew someone was bound to figure it out, so maybe she should tell Remus. He was a loyal friend after all.

"If I were to tell you what memory I chose, you wouldn't tell anyone, right? Especially James?" She asked, watching his eyes, watching for the trusting look he always gives her. "I won't tell anyone anything if you don't want me to." He said, smiling at her.

"Well, it honestly kind of scares me, that this was the only memory that was happy enough to work. I didn't think the memory made me feel the way it does. But... It was from the first time he ever told me he loved me." She admitted, scared to look up.

"Really? Why do you think that was the memory that worked?"

"I don't know. He just sort of touched my hand and the memory came rushing into my head. It freaked me out, Remus."

"Do you like him? I mean, I know you always so you don't and I know that he's hurt you in the past, but maybe you've just been to scared to admit to yourself that you like him back because of everything in the past." Lily didn't like how much sense that made. She didn't say anything for a few moments, and just thought about what he had said. Did she like him? Was that why she was getting butterflies around him? Why her heart fluttered every time he touched her or stood closely? She slowly looked back up at Remus.

"Maybe."

"It's okay if you do. You owe it to yourself to follow your heart and to truly be happy. "

"No, it's not okay! He destroyed my relationship with my best friend, he has only shown me his immoral, mean side!" But before she could say anything more, Remus cut in.

"While that is accurate, it's not all entirely true. Yes, he made mistakes, effecting you in the process, and trust me, he is terribly sorry for it all, I know cause I have to hear about it all the time. But look at the last few weeks with him. He's changed, you've changed. You're both noticeably brighter and happier when your with each other. But even if you decide you're not ready to act on your feelings, I think he deserves to know the memory." He patted her shoulder, and then went back to his book. But Lily couldn't concentrate any longer. She just stared at the ground, thinking about everything that Remus just said to her.

That night, Lily couldn't sleep. She sat at her window and stared out at the stars for what felt like half the night. Did she like James Potter? Is that why she hid from him for so many years, because she was scared of the feelings she had for him? By the time she fell asleep, she was woken only a while later by the yell of Sirius.

"James? James! Wake up! Seriously James! You have to read this!" He had a worried, slightly fearful sound to his voice, that Lily had never heard before, so she got out of bed to see what was going on.

She emerged from her room at the same time as James was coming out of his. They both turned and looked at each other, James squeezing in a quick "good morning" smile, before they both turned to Sirius.

"You won't believe what's going on!" He flipped open the newspaper he was holding as both Lily and James sat down beside him on the couch.

"Voldemort is really rising to power. His Death Eaters are taking over the ministry. They are stealing all documents on muggle borns and killing any and all they can find. Death tolls have increased dramatically just over the past couple of days because of it. They aren't going to stop until all muggle borns are dead, maybe not even then." Sirius said, staring at the newspaper.

"I'm muggle born." Lily muttered so quietly, she wasn't sure if she actually said it out loud.

Both James and Sirius looked up at her simultaneously.

"You're not going to die. I will do everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen, Lily."

"James is right. We won't let anyone try to harm you. We have to find a way to fight back."

Sirius stood up, still studying the paper. James sat very still next to her, his face dead white.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you, Lily. I promise." He said again, looking over at her. There was no laughter in his eyes, no brightness in his face that day.

It was a quiet day. Most of the students in the school also read the paper. Classes were slow and not all students showed up for meal times, including Lily. She sat in the common room, in front of the window, frozen with fear.

"You should eat." She heard Remus say from behind her. She turned around to see him and Peter heading to the door. James however stopped to see if she was coming.

"I'm not hungry." She said flatly. So Remus and Peter left.

"He's right. You haven't eaten all day." James said quietly behind her.

"Neither have you."

Silence.

James walked over and sat beside Lily, who was back to staring outside.

"I'm scared to." He said softly.

And that was all that was spoken for the rest of the day.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

James finally found it. The perfect gift for Lily. Christmas was long over already but he didn't want to just get her anything, he wanted it to be something that really showed her how he felt, something that would a lot to both of them. At least he hoped it would mean as much to her as it did to him.

"When are you going to give it to her?" Remus asked, as the two of them headed back from Hogsmeade. But before James could answer, a rain storm came out of nowhere, soaking them in seconds.

When they reached the castle, they were both shivering, cold as ice, and panting so hard that a teacher stopped them to make sure they were okay. They were, so they ran up to the Gryffindor common room, where Remus went in to change, and James diverted away to his own common room.

"What happened to you?"

James was barely in the door when he heard Lily's voice. He looked down to see that he was leaving a dirty puddle where he stood.

"Let's say it was some pretty bad timing." He said with laugh as he carefully walked over to his room, trying not to leave a trail behind him. Once he was inside his room, changed, and dry, he began thinking about Remus's question, when was he going to give her the gift?

Aaaa-chhheeww.

A sneeze, followed by two more sneezes.

Oh no, James thought, I cannot get sick!

"You okay? Your nose is really red." Lily asked when he finally emerged from his room. He could feel the pain in his sinus's start to flare and the blocked nostrils that he could no longer breath through.

"No." Was all he could nasally say. He fell beside Lily on the couch and sprawled out across the empty side. One minute he felt fine, and the next it felt like a giant hand slapped this cold into him.

Lily pulled the blanket that was wrapped around her off, and draped it across James.

"Would you like me to go get you tea from the kitchens? It might help the congestion."

But the next day he was worse, he woke up dizzy and couldn't stop coughing and sneezing. He was so congested that Lily kept having a hard time figuring out what he was trying to say most of the morning.

"I can't stand this anymore. You sound awful, I'm taking you to the hospital wing!"

When they got there, James hanging onto Lily for dear life, so he wouldn't fall over, they saw Remus laying in one of the beds, with the exact same cold that James had.

"At least you won't be alone. Feel better soon okay?" And then she left.

He went and sat on the bed beside Remus, who looked up at him with his half closed eyes.

"Well this sort of interferes with my plans... I didn't want to wait to long before giving Lily her gift, or else I might chicken out."

Remus let out a painful sounding cough before sitting up.

"Don't be so stupid. She's going to love it so you have no reason to feel scared about giving it to her. I talked to her, you know."

James had forgotten that Remus was going to talk to her for him. He was almost scared to know what she said but he asked anyway.

"How did that go? What did she say?"

"Well, I'm not going to tell you everything, because she trusted me to keep it to myself. But I will tell you this, she does care about you, James. She's just terrified of her feelings and needs time to sort it out. But you also need to stop pushing her. The only way your going to get her, is if you slow down and let her come to you. Right now the best thing you can do, is be her friend. Show her you can care about her without trying to get with her."

James laid down for a minute to think all this through. She actually cared about him? But why was she terrified about it?

"So her memory was about me, wasn't it?"

"Yes. But if you want to know what it was of, you're going to have to wait until she wants to tell you." Remus said, before giving him a sympathetic look, and then he laid down himself.

Despite the fact that his entire body felt like it was dead, James couldn't help but lay awake most of the night. He felt happy, but a bit sad, excited but nervous. She really did like him but what did he do to make her so scared to acknowledge it?

After a couple days in the hospital wing, James' cold was finally disappearing, and he was allowed to leave. He knew right away that he wanted to find Lily and just give her the present. He wanted to do it right then rather than wait. He wanted her to know that he still loved her, was still always going to wait for her.

He ran up to his room, found the box that the gift was in and then waited for Lily to return from her last class.

When she entered the common room, she smiled at the sight of James.

"Glad to see your finally feeling better!"

James stood up and walked towards her.

"I... have something that I, uhm, wanted to give you. It's, I guess, a late Christmas present. I wasn't going to get you anything until I found the perfect thing. And, well, think I found it." He stammered, but managed to get it all out. He pulled the box out of his pocket and handed it towards Lily.

She reached for it, but her eyes were on his. She looked nervous even though she was smiling.

"Thank you, but you didn't have to!" She said, being polite as always. But once she had it in her grasp, she headed towards the couch to sit down. Once James was sat next her, she slowly lifted the lid to the box.

She gasped, then looked up at James.

"Oh my god, this is beautiful, James!" She pulled out, a long silver chained necklace, with a tiny, silver stag dangling on the end of it. James reached for it, and put the necklace on her.

"Looks more beautiful when it's on you." He smiled at her, inching his face closer. She smiled back, her cheeks turning red. Before he knew it, they were just centimetres apart. He could feel the energy, the passion, filling up the space between them. His lips were so close to touching hers, when she looked away.

Lily stood up, and stepped two paces away before looking back at him.

"Thank you. Really, I love it!" She said, her cheeks turning an even darker shade of red, before she quickly fled to her room.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Lily sat in her room, sitting in front of her mirror, admiring her new necklace. It made her heart happy, it made her lighten up after all of the dark things that had been happening lately. This was the single most thoughtful, meaningful gift she had ever gotten. It represented how James felt about her perfectly, and she knew it.

She knew right then, that no matter what, James really would always be there for her. That he would always watch over her and protect her in this new world. That, with him around, she didn't need to be afraid. But she still was.

Maybe she could be protected. But what about her family? Who would protect them? Lately, this was all she could think about. If there was such a need to kill off all muggle borns, why wouldn't they get to them through their families? Especially if they were putting up a fight to not be found? Every night when she closed her eyes, all Lily could see was her sister, Petunia, being killed by Death Eaters. This image continuously haunted her. It kept her up at night, it distracted her during lessons. How could she ever forgive herself if Petunia was murdered because of her?

She grew so hateful of herself for letting things get bad between them. She let their relationship, their bond, deteriorate and there was no way of getting it back. She regretted not fighting harder to keep her sisters trust, her love. And now she was afraid of losing her all together.

Lily thought back to the day she got her letter. When she finally understood that the tiny little boy that was severus, was right about her. She opened it up and screamed with joy. Petunia took one look at the letter before she looked up a Lily with such betrayal and hatred, and then ran away with tears in her eyes. But she didn't run after her. She stood their unable to understand why her own sister wasn't being happy for her, supportive of her.

But now she understood. What Petunia saw, was that Lily was different than her. She was getting recognition for being different, as if she was being rewarded. That she was unique. Petunia saw her getting all the attention after the letter. Being treated like the favourite child because their parents were about to send her off to some school far away, where she could perfect her uniqueness. Petunia's best friend that she ever had, was about to leave her behind, to live this different life.

Lily sat still, trembling from these thoughts, when there was a small knock at her door.

When she opened the door, the bright smile of James greeted her, but she could not bring herself to smile back.

"I just wanted to see if you were still coming to my quidditch game this afternoon?"

The quidditch game. She forgotten all about it with everything going on in her head. She looked down at her watch and realized that the game started in 20 minutes.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I totally forgot about it! I will get ready right now. I will be there, I promise."

After Lily finally made it down to the game, she managed to find that Remus had saved a spot with him, Sirius, and Peter in the front row of the stands. She sat down and looked out towards the players. She saw James right away, his long, straggly hair standing out. He smiled up at her and waved, and she gave a small wave back.

It went on for a few hours, James taking any chance he could, to show off his skills with the quaffle. It made Lily laugh, it made her forget for a few moments, everything else.

With no surprise, Gryffindore won, against Slytherin. The team threw a congratulatory party in the Gryffindore common room. There was laughter, singing, butterbeer, and really excited people. Lily sat in the corner of the room, and while there was a choir of singing, she had a repetition of the image of her sisters dead body.

People danced around, yelling, and laughing around her, she sat still, cold, intoxicated from the empty butterbeer bottle in her hand, and still trembling. She almost jumped out of the chair, startled, when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Come dance with me!" A somewhat drunk James, pulled her out of the chair, guided her to the centre of the room, grabbed her hand and waste and started swinging her around. He was laughing, gleaming at her. And pretty soon, the unfamiliar sound of a laugh escaped her mouth as well. She, for a few moments, forgot everything. She was in the complete present, being twirled around by James, hearing the music for the first time that night, letting her self feel happy and enjoyment. Her numbness turned to the warm feeling of enlightenment and she felt truly carefree as she danced and danced and drank and watched the many excited and happy facial expressions of James as he danced, and laughed and smiled and yelled.

When the clock struck 11:00 things slowed down a bit. People were either going to bed or sitting down talking amongst each other. James was talking to Sirius about something that seemed rather exhilarating and Lily was once again alone. She chose that as her opportunity to escape to her room. That could have easily been the first night that she slept in weeks.

When she woke up, she headed straight down to the lake to breath. She had to stop letting these feelings control her. The previous night, she had fun, she let go, she lived.

Later that day, she realized why. Sitting at The Three Broomsticks, sitting in the corner with some school work, she was watching the other side of the room. James sat there, with little Peter. He was tutoring him, helping Peter with something that wouldn't benefit himself.

She couldn't help but smile. Lately, every little thing James did, distracted her, made her forget everything else. Seeing Peter beam at his essay, proud of himself, James patting him on the back. James was putting someone else before him, he was using his spare time to help someone and he looked happy. This new attitude looked good on him and Lily couldn't help herself but stare at him, entranced by what she was seeing.

She had witnessed the growth of this person. She saw this small, conceded, bully turn into a man who put himself last, who helped others, who was able to look deep down into a person and truly be their friend.

She didn't realize how long she was sitting there smiling in James direction until he looked up and noticed her watching. She quickly sunk her head down and tried to finish working on the essay that she had brought with her. But she kept glancing back up, admiring him, admiring the man he had become.

Lily knew she would never get any work done if she stayed in there, so she put her notebooks and textbooks back in her bag, and headed out the door.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

"So, this is what this potion actually does?" Peter asked James and he held up some notes.

"Yes! See, you're starting to get it! I knew you would! If you know what each ingredient means in itself, it's easy to figure out. You'll do great on the test tomorrow." James exclaimed, as he patted Peter on the back.

He was taking pride in being able to help his friend. He felt like he could finally put his potion skills to real use. He liked seeing his friends succeed.

As Peter finished working on his paper, James glanced up. He, right away, noticed Lily sitting at the other end of the room, but she was looking his way, smiling. Was she smiling at him? But as soon as he smiled back, she quickly looked back down. He kept looking but she didn't look back up.

She had been rather quiet lately and he didn't know why. Was it because of him? Or because of all this stuff about Voldemort? He was scared to ask, but scared to see her this way. He had been wanting to go up to her for days now but cowardly backs down. If she let him, he could be there for her, he could help her let go of whats bothering her, he could help her be happier but he was too scared of rejection.

He looked back up. She was definitely smiling at him again! He was sure of it. But to his dismay, she packed her bag, glanced once more his way, smiling. And walked out.

No, he was not going to back this time. He had to just tell her how he felt, and finally ask her exactly how she felt. Screw waiting for fate to happen. He had to make it happen.

"I'm sorry Peter, I have to go do something. This is really important but I promise I will help you more later!" With that, he ran out of The Three Broomsticks, and followed her towards the castle.

Once he caught up to her, he grabbed her hand, swinging her to face him.

"James, what are you doing?" She asked, a little startled.

"Lily. I can't take this any longer. I am so in love with you it hurts. I can't just be you friend anymore, it's not enough. You are all I want, all I have ever wanted! And I know you know that! But when are you going to admit your feelings for me?"

Lily looked up at him, her cheeks burning red from that last question.

"Wha-what do you mean?"

"We both know you've been hiding your feelings, from me, but most importantly, from yourself. If you didn't have feelings for me, you wouldn't be blushing, you wouldn't be trembling nervously. Your hand wouldn't still be in mine." He reached his other hand up, and placed it on her cheek. "Your heart wouldn't start beating faster when I touch you."

And this time, without hesitation, his lips were on hers. It caught Lily off guard, but after a couple seconds, she was kissing him back.

When they finally pulled apart, James whispered, "I love you."

But it took a few moments before Lily looked up at him. But when she did, she looked him straight in the eyes.

"You're right. I am in love with you. I think I always have been."


End file.
